Friday, 16 March 2012

Control Freak

Season 2, ep 3 of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic - Twilight Sparkle goes a little crazy because she doesn't have a friendship lesson to tell Princess Celestia about, and it must be done EVERY WEEK!
Sometimes, I feel like that on the inside. I am a total control freak, very structured, very organised. I love my to do lists, I love planning what I'm going to do, I love control over what I'm doing. I get all uncomfortable and stressed when I don't know what is going on, even more so when I don't know directions to somewhere...I hate not knowing where to go or what I'm doing when I'm travelling. I am a super pre-planned traveller, always way too early for everything (check in was never open for my flights when I was flying home from uni...) I need things to be a set way. I over-think a LOT of things! My brain does not turn off... I'm really not as laid back and relaxed as I would like to be.

I think I used to be a bit more chilled, a bit more spontaneous...but now I am working, earning money, budgeting longer living in the carefree world of childhood, I feel the need to control more. But at the same time I really want to stop caring so much about these little things and just enjoy life, maybe even find a balance between the's so hard though.

I'm currently stressing about money. Not because we don't have money, but because my super control-freak mind wants to stay above a certain amount of money, just so there is something around 'in case of emergencies'. As a consequence of this though, I'm only really spending money on food and rent and not much else, and that's a pretty boring life. The danger is that I know if I just forget about budgeting I am going to easily spend my money...I am pretty good at making money disappear. I definitely need to find the balance...oh brain, why do you treat me like this?

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